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Acorn
Satire
Service
News You Can Get Behind
Volume 0, Issue 1 - Winter 2021
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In the Bubble
Freaks and Greeks
Affluenza
Beyond the Bubble
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Top Stories
Breaking News: Greek Life Immune to COVID-19; Bucket Praised as “Miracle Cure"
ELON UNIVERSITY–Elon’s weekly COVID-19 testing, in conjunction with LabCorp, has recently yielded astonishing results. LabCorp has...
Elon Staff Hospitalized After the Craze of 'Poké-Jon, GO!'
(Rare siting of Jon Dooley before disappearing) ELON, NC–A new app developed by Elon University, “Poké-Jon, GO!”, was officially launched...
Elon University to Offer Influencer Status Major
Beginning Fall 2021, Elon University’s School of Communications will offer students a guaranteed way to get rich after college without...
In a Nutshell
President Book Grants DeJoy Controversial Pardon
Elon Football Team Mistaken for Local High School Squad
Student 'Drops' Laptop into Lake Mary Nell to Avoid Zoom Classes
Elon Partners With Jeep, Announces Limited Edition 'Phoenix Wrangler'
Smith to Remain Quarantined Indefinitely Following Pandemic
Lakeside Multilingual Signs Actually Curse Words
In the Bubble
Winter Storm Warning: Elon Prepares for 10 Percent Chance of Snow
'We Weren't Prepared': President Book Responds to Skater Pandemic
A Modern Love Story: Meet Cute in COVID-19 Hotel Elevator
Parents Unable to Understand Returning Students' New Accents
Elon Rebrands as ‘Conservative Arts’ College
Freaks and Greeks
Students Recycle by Building New Frat House Entirely Out of Stolen Bricks
Sorority Women Shocked 'Formal Court Order' Not a Fun Themed Party
Pledges Face New Humiliation as Hazing Moves to Zoom
'Venmo $5 to Save a COVID-19 Child Victim’s Life' Posts Mask-less Sorority Girl
Breaking News: Greek Life Immune to COVID-19; Bucket Praised as “Miracle Cure"
Affluenza
Elon University Builds Helicopter Pad for Helicopter Parents
Elon to Construct Climate Controlled Parking Garage for Luxury Cars on Campus
Elon University to Offer Influencer Status Major
Golden Goose, Canada Goose, and Grey Goose: Trio of Geese Commandeer Elon Sorority
Citing Social Injustice, Students Demand Starbucks Location on Campus
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